Hold On To Me
by CSIslave
Summary: Death almost had him by his own will... but once he falls in love, could death possibly take him away right when everything seems so perfect? TroyRyan
1. Thank God It's Friday

AN: Okay… so, I am totally in love with High School Musical now… this is my first fiction devoted to it! It's Ryan/Troy, so if you don't like that, don't read!

Disclaimer: I don't own Troy or Ryan (but dang, would I love to!), or anything related to High School Musical. The plot, however, is mine!

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+** Ryan's POV + **

If there's one thing I can't stand, it's waiting. I've been waiting since middle school: waiting for life to be easier, waiting to understand people around me, waiting to understand myself, waiting for just a little bit of happiness. Don't I deserve just a little bit of happiness? Maybe not. I sigh, staring off the bridge. The water beneath reflects everything; the clouds, the moon, the stars, even my own pale face. A tear drips off my nose and makes a tiny ripple in the lake. I laugh at the irony; if the water represented the world, or even just East High, I would be so much less than that tiny drop. At least the drop added something to that water. I stare even harder into the water… it's so calm and smooth on the surface, but beneath there are dozens of large, sharp rocks. I lean over further. How can something so beautiful and perfect have the ability to ruin someone's life they were stupid enough to fall? All of a sudden, I realize, I'm not even thinking about the lake anymore. Sure, I've fallen… I've fallen hard for a guy who will never look twice at me. I crawl up onto the rail of the bridge, the sobs shaking my body now as my brain throws images of him at me… images of him laughing, smiling, staring at anyone but me. I can I go another year, another week… hell, another _second_ without him? I lean closer to the water and rocks… they look so comforting, so welcoming…

**+ Troy's POV +**

It's hard to get away sometimes, you know? It seems like I can never get a moment alone, so sometimes, as crazy as it may sound, 3 a.m. is the only time I can really be alone… I leave the cell at home and I just walk until I feel like I might collapse… then I keep walking. Tonight is definitely one of those nights… I should really be jogging, but these few hours to myself aren't about warming up for the team or anyone else… it's just about a few hours of solitude.

My breath is misting in front of me, and I can hardly feel my nose. I grin at the moon, and I'm just about to come up to my favorite place to just stop and think. A small bridge over a huge lake… wait a second. What the hell? I have never run into anyone on one of my walks, and now there's someone hanging from the bridge. Wait. _Hanging _from the bridge? The guys body is doubled over the rail, and even from a ways off, I can see the tears glistening on his cheeks. Oh my god. Is he going to jump! He leans even further, his frail body shaking. I run toward him as fast as I can. I don't even have to say anything; my footsteps alert him and he turns to stare at me.

_Ryan Evans?_

I stop and stare back. His bright blue eyes are hurt, shocked… I take a step toward him.

"Hey Ryan…" oh my god, I have never felt so awkward or so desperate in all my life. "What are you doing?" Duh. He just… he can't do it. He doesn't say anything; he seems frozen in place. "Hey… come down, Ryan." His eyes are as confused as I'm sure mine are pleading. Ryan just gazes into my eyes for a second, and then he steps down shakily. I feel myself sigh with relief as both feet touch solid ground. I feel like running up to him and hugging him, but I just grin. He smiles back, uneasy. His blonde hair is messy from hanging… just hanging there, the rail the only thing holding him back, he seemed so vulnerable… so gentle. Why would someone like Ryan kill themselves? He steps towards me cautiously.

"Hey Troy… what's going on?"

"Nothing. What are you doing, Ryan?" He looks away… is mad at me?

"Are you just asking or do you really want to know?" He looks back at me… God, what is it about those eyes that I haven't noticed until now?

"I really want to know." This seems to catch him off guard. He stares at me again for a second.

"All right… can we go somewhere else, though?" I nod anxiously. This bridge used to be the most comforting place in the world for me… now how will I feel here?

**+ Ryan's POV +**

I never thought I'd be sitting alone with Troy Bolton in a park at five in the morning, watching the sunrise. I pretend not to notice, but Troy keeps reaching up to wipe away tears, and I feel awful. He just told me to let it all out, and I did… actually, I may have gone a bit too far. I told him every excruciating detail… the ridicule, the bullying, how hard it is to be 'Sharpay's brother' day after day, how no one seems to notice me. Now we're both sitting here crying… Troy Bolton is crying because of me, like I've cried because of him so many times.

"I'm sorry Troy… Troy?" All of a sudden, his eyes snap shut and his heads falls gently into my lap. I stare down at his innocent face. I think this is the Troy no one ever sees. He almost always has that cocky grin on his face, but this unguarded face, this gentle bliss on his beautiful face… that's who I love. Timidly, I reach out and run my fingers gently through his hair. I grin, really grin, as the sun rises over the hills. The only things that Troy, the guy I love, doesn't knoware thatI'm gay, and thatI'm in love with him.

**+ Troy's POV +**

I've never slept so peacefully in my life. Sure, a park bench may not sound that comfortable, but whatever I grabbed as a pillow last night is so warm and comforting… I could lay here forever… and despite the frost on the grass, I feel so warm inside… I stretch my arms way above my head, opening my eyes and squinting at the sun. I look up and see Ryan's face. His eyes are closed, sleep making his face a bit more relaxed… but I can still see a stressful look. I don't ever remember noticing this never-disappearing worry that Ryan had. I haven't noticed a lot of things about Ryan Evans, and I'm starting to regret it. What if I hadn't stopped him last night? Would I have ever gotten to know why he was the way he was… would I have cared if I never had spoken to him again? All of a sudden, something dawns on me… my pillow for the night was Ryan's lap. I expect disgust to wash over me, but it doesn't come. I stare up at his angelic face. Wait a sec… _angelic! _What the hell am I thinking? I sit up abruptly, and my movement wakes him. He mummers something, then opens his eyes slowly. When he sees me, a smile lights up on his face.

"Morning."

"Morning."

Wonderful. I love awkward silences. Not.

"I'm really sorry about…"

"Don't be, man. It's fine." I smile gently at him. "Shit!"

"What?" Ryan immediately looks concerned for me. I could sit there and feel glad about that all day, but I won't.

"It's 9:00." Ryan scrambles for his cell phone and looks something up.

"We had study hall until now."

"Great!" Relief surges through my body. "Our next class starts in 15 minutes… what class is it?"

"Drama." Ryan's face drains of blood.

"Damn! Come on!" Without thinking, I reach out and grab Ryan's hand, dragging him behind me as we both run.

"We don't have time to get our stuff, Troy!" He pants from behind me. I barely hear him. His hand is warm and comforting in mine, despite the awkwardness of the situation. We keep running and it seems like we'll never reach the school.

**+ Ryan's POV +**

Oh my god… I know Mrs. Darbus will kill us both if we are late, but that's kind of hard to think about with Troy holding my hand. Not the other way around… Troy is holding my hand. We dash up the stairs to the school together, hands still intertwined. Only when we burst through the doors do we drop hands, running as fast as we can down the hallway together. I look at him out the corner of my eyes. He looks panicked. Out of breath, we both burst into Drama just as the bell rings. Mrs. Darbus eyes us, but technically, she can't do anything; we were on time. We both make our ways to our seats. Sharpay raises an eyebrow at me. She may be the only person that knows I'm gay, but even she doesn't know that Troy is the guy I've loved since middle school. That might have just changed, though, judging by the glint in her eye. The rest of class is hard to focus on. I just sit there, numb. At one point, Sharpay gets up and goes to talk to Troy. I hardly notice. Sure, being with Troy was amazing, but two hours of sleep doesn't quite do it for me. I didn't want to close my eyes because I never know when Troy could be that close again. Shar soon gets back to her desk and shoves a piece of paper at me. I look over at her blankly and she rolls her eyes and shoves it towards me again. I look down at it.

_Ryan-_

_If you ever need to talk, I'm here for you, okay?_

_555-2145_

_Troy_

I feel my face flush again, and look up at Troy… he was just staring back at me, but surely he wasn't blushing as well? I smile at the back of his head… I've said, "Thank God It's Friday" so many times in my life, just to try to be normal… but it never really had meaning until this Friday.

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Please review! It means so much. And also, I don't know if there's a lake where they live.. but for my purposes, of course there is, who are you kidding! ;) 


	2. Feelings stirred inside

A/N: Okay, I watched a certain movie and had HUGE inspiration for this story! So the first chapter may be a little inaccurate, but it won't make much of a difference… just wanted to let everyone know why I changed the summary and why Ryan kinda contradicts himself in this chapter.

Thanks to all my reviewers!

Disclaimer: Basically, I own nothing. Which sucks. Cause I'd love to own it all! Plot is still mine… just altered a bit.

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**+ Troy's POV +**

I have never felt so awkward and content at the same time. I mean, I've never detested Ryan, but I've never thought about him or worried about him as much as this in all our years of knowing each other. I have Chad and Gabriella right next to me, but somehow, all I want to do is go talk to Ryan. I'm crazy, I know. I mean, it's the middle of drama class, Mrs. Darbus is out of the room, and Gabriella is sitting on my desk, kissing my neck. Normally, I am more than okay with this. But today, all I can seem to do is keep glancing back at Ryan, praying he doesn't see. What the hell is wrong with me? This is most definitely _not_ normal. Ryan's blue eyes meet mine… I can't take this anymore. I stand up and leave the classroom, Gabriella staring, dumbfounded, after me. I rest my head on the cool metal of a locker, and soon I head the door to the drama class open again. I look up and find Ryan smiling at me.

"You okay, Troy?" I nod, but my knees collapse beneath me. I slide down the lockers, sitting on the floor. Ryan sits down next to me, staring into my eyes. I rest my wrists on my knees, my hands dangling. Ryan slowly reaches out and grabs one of my hands. Surprisingly enough, it feels so… right. I intertwine my fingers with his. Looking down, I see a thin scar on Ryan's wrist.

"Ryan!" my voice comes out sharp, shocked. I mean, I know Ryan's not the happiest guy in the world, but this? He follows my gaze, and I see him flinch. He doesn't pull away, though, and I'm thankful. "Come on… why are you so sad?" He looks away.

"There's someone I really like… someone I feel like I may even love. It just feels so hopeless sometimes… I don't think we could ever work out. And when everyone around you is putting you down, it doesn't exactly help you feel better, you know?"

"Have you even told her how you feel?" He turns bright red, staring hard at the floor.

"It's… it's not a girl, Troy." He stares at our hands together, as if imprinting the image in his brain. "I'm gay."

**+ Ryan's POV +**

There. Now Troy will never speak to me again. We've only been sitting here for about three minutes, but I can't imagine ever being without his hand in mine. But Troy isn't pulling away… in fact; I think he just tightened his grip on my hand.

"You're gay?" I nod, miserably anxious for his reaction. "You're gay." Troy is staring straight ahead, as if thinking deeply. I want so badly to tell him that I love him… all of a sudden, Gabriella and Chad burst into the hallway. Troy quickly squeezes my hand and then pulls away. I feel cold inside.

"Hey, you!" Gabriella kisses him on the lips. Is that _disgust_ on Troy's face? "What are you up to?" Typical. The woman who is ruining my life is now ignoring the fact that I exist.

"Nothing, Gabby." Is Troy gritting his teeth? "I think I'm going to skip the rest of school." She stares at him, surprised.

"But you just got here, silly! Where were you late, anyway?"

"I'll call you later, okay?" He takes off down the hallway, nodding to Chad and then staring at me for a moment.

"Where the hell is he going?" Gabriella shrugs and stares angrily after him. Troy looks over his shoulder… at me? I slink away to the bathrooms… not like Gabriella and Chad will notice, they're too busy talking about Troy. Pulling out my phone, I pray I got the correct signals from Troy and dial the number he gave me. Before the phone has finished ringing its first time, he picks it up.

"Ryan?" I grin.

"Yes?"

"You want to come with me? Meet me in the parking lot, okay?" I hang up gleefully and run out the back door.

**+ Troy's POV +**

This can't be right. I must be getting sick, or something. I stood outside, hoping Ryan got my hints and praying Gabby didn't think they were for her… Something is not right at all here. Gabriella is my girlfriend, and Ryan… well, what the hell is Ryan to me? I don't know… all I know is that when I see his blonde hair pop around the corner, my heart feels… well, I can't describe it.

I should be disgusted! Appalled! Anything but feeling this way… I mean, I want to get away with a guy who's gay!

This isn't good

**+ Ryan's POV +**

This cannot be good. Troy has been everything to me for a while… and we've just been walking around now, and he asked me to tell him everything about myself. Well, I've filled him in on all the basics… except for two huge concepts in my life. The way I see it, there are 3 huge things that affect who I am… 1: I am gay. 2: I am in love with Troy Bolton. 3: No one knows three… only one person knew, the person who helped me find out, and he's dead now. It's not really a secret… just something no one needs to know. Why make someone else's life miserable?

Troy's arm is flung nonchalantly around my shoulder… but I just told him I was gay. Is he messing with my head? Does he realize that I love him? Should I tell him? His stormy blue eyes are clouded, confused. We come to the park we had just left about 2 hours ago. We go to the same bench, which was thankfully vacant. We sit together, his arm still around me. We sit for a few moments, but I can't keep my eyes open. Fearing Troy's reaction, I slowly lower my head onto his shoulder. He does nothing, and I almost immediately fall asleep in his warm embrace.

**+ Troy's POV +**

Gabriella had fallen asleep on me so many times during our relationship… but I've never wanted so badly to just kiss her head, like I do now with Ryan. The breeze is gently blowing his blonde hair. Trees surround us, so I can think and stare without anyone passing by. He looks so helpless… cautiously, I lean over… his breathing is steady. I press my lips to his head, savoring the smell of him.

This isn't right! I am acting so weird… like I actually like Ryan as more than a friend. That's not possible. I'm not gay. I've never been gay and I never will be gay.

If I'm not, why do I want to keep holding him? Why did I just kiss his head? Why do I feel so good about life?

Some things in life you just don't think are possible. But they are… they really are.

I'm gay.

I want to stop and think about this for a moment, but I can't slow down. I pull out my phone and quickly dial Gabriella's number.

"Hey baby, where did you go?"

"Gabriella… look…. I think we should break up." There is a long, shocked silence from her end of the phone.

"Why? Troy, why? What did I do?" She sounds frantic.

"Nothing! Gabby, you didn't do anything… I just don't love you anymore!"

"Then who is she? Who are you breaking up with me for?"

"It's a long story, Gabby. Look, calm down and call me back tonight, if you need to. But I don't want to date you anymore, Gabriella… okay?" Before she can respond, I hang up, sighing. My whole body is tingling. I don't easily understand what my emotions tell me… but in this case, there is no being wrong.

I'm in love with Ryan Evans.

He stirs on my shoulder, and then turns and looks up at me, his eyes sparkly.

"Sorry. I fell asleep."

"Obviously!" I laugh and ruffle his hair… oh god, why do I do that? I mean, I know it's all right since he's gay… but come on, now that I've realized that I am as well…I don't even know if I'm the guy that he likes! This is insane. But I can't stop myself, even now that reality- those bright blue eyes, that smile…- is staring me in the face. "I'm hungry… you want to get some lunch?" He nods, smiles and me and stretches. He's so adorable… I still can't believe I'm feeling this way. Ryan gets up and I reach out, accepting his hand, and together, we leave the park.


	3. Confessions or close enough

**+ Ryan's POV +**

All right, obviously something is up here. I mean, I've had these feelings for Troy since middle school. I will never forget the way he walked into my classroom… and then when he sat down in front of me and started humming carelessly under his breath as the teacher droned on, I was mesmerized. It was obvious from the way he looked and the way he dressed he would soon be marked as a popular kid for life, but it was clear that no one knew he could sing… when he was hanging out with his friends in the hallways, it was all sports and girls. I never once heard him hum or sing except for that glorious hour and a half I sat behind him in that writing class. I would just sit and listen, and that was the only year I ever got an A in English. When we were forced to switch seats, I felt as if something had died inside of me. That's really when it dawned on me that I was gay; I spent every second thinking of Troy, wishing he was still singing for me, still in my life. After that first year in sixth grade, though, I sat by Troy a few more times, but the light had vanished from him; he didn't sing anymore. I couldn't forget that way his eyes lit up as he drifted off, notes that only I could hear consuming my thoughts. He never knew I heard him.

I had all but forgotten about him singing until he tried out for Twinkletown. I just prayed that Shar didn't see the way I blushed and grinned when I heard his voice flowing from the back room. But with the arrival of that astonishing voice in my life once more came something else. Because we were competing for the same role, Troy Bolton became my enemy. It was Shar's unwritten expectation, and I can't let down Shar. She's all I have. No one has looked twice at me in a long time… well, Troy being the exception lately. Now that the play is over, though, we're back to our totally different stations. Now, though… how different are we, really?

Troy is walking aimlessly down the streets, looking for a restaurant or something for us to eat in. I'm just amazed that Troy wants to eat lunch with me after telling him that I'm gay. And what is up with him? He's not happy like he seemed just minutes ago. He looks pensive… and really confused.

"Troy? Are you all right?" He turns and looks at me, shocked. Did he forget I was here or something?

"Yeah… I'm fine. Sorry, Ryan." I can't help it; even though Troy's smile is obviously fake and I'm concerned, my heart beats a bit faster when I hear the way my name rolls off his lips. He looks straight ahead for a moment, and then turns back to me. "I can't really think of anywhere to eat… you just want to come over to my place and find something?" Oh my god. Such a simple question, but it seems so huge for me. I've liked him for five years, and never in one day has he talked to me so much or wanted to be with me. I just nod. He smiles a little, and then he turns around and starts walking another way. I follow, my mind racing.

**+ Troy's POV +**

What have I done? What am I doing? I mean, maybe Ryan is just a friend. Just because I'm not in love with Gabriella anymore, it doesn't mean I'm in love with Ryan, does it? I'm sure at some point I wanted to be with Chad every chance I got, like I do now with Ryan. I'm pretty sure I never wanted to kiss Chad… this is ridiculous. I'm probably just assuming a lot about my emotions right now because I'm just getting to know Ryan. I swallow heavily as I reach my door. My mom is out of town, and my dad is still at school. I pull out my keys and shove open my door. I hear Ryan gasp a bit behind me. I assume it's just because my house is so clean- my mom is a neat freak- but then I turn and see that he's pale and sweating all of a sudden. My heart throbs in terror, and I rush to his side, touching his back lightly, afraid that I might hurt him.

"Ryan, are you all right?" He just pants, grabbing his leg. "Say something, come on." I'm honestly considering rushing to the phone and calling an ambulance when he gives me a strained smile.

"Fine. Just a muscle cramp." Yeah, like I'm buying that. I lead him to the couch, draping his arm around my shoulder so he can use me as support. It feels so odd to have our bodies this close while we're both completely aware of it. He limps over to the couch with my help, and then plops down, panting. I sit next to him, concern washing over all of me. He seems a lot better now that he's resting now. I stand.

"All right… what sounds good?"

"Can I get a glass of water?" I bring it to him quickly, grabbing some iced tea for myself. He smiles at me and gulps down some of the water. I watch, entranced by the way his bright pink lips press against the glass. He catches me staring as he puts the cup down, and I quickly bury my face in my drink, embarrassed. We sit in comfortable silence for a moment, and then simultaneously look at each other. This time, though, it's not a guilty stare; we both know that we're staring, and somehow I don't really care. His blue eyes are sparkling and curious. Suddenly, I feel like I have to know. What the hell is this I'm feeling?

"Ryan? How do you know you're gay?" The question catches him off-guard; he sits up straighter and stares hard at me. Another moment of silence goes by, and then he relaxes a bit, looking away from me.

"Well, it was obvious for me. When I thought about how my life had gone so far, I realized I'd never really liked girls. The real big thing for me was…" he hesitates, and I have to stop myself from leaning forward eagerly. "There was a guy in my sixth grade class who I fell in love with… I didn't even think about it; I just realized all of a sudden that I loved him."

"Do you still love him?"

"Yeah." I smile. I've never liked anyone that long… how can you hold on to someone for so long if they don't love you back? Whoever Ryan loves must be someone amazing.

"Did you ever tell him?" He shakes his head, his blonde hair falling in his face. "Well, Ryan, you can't be with the guy if you don't at least get to know him! Who is it?" The question slips out before I can stop it, and I feel my insides tighten.

"Why are you asking me this, Troy?" He looks up at me, and his eyes are now cold and guarded.

"Sorry, Ryan… it's none of my business." He smiles, and I go on. "So, what's so great about this guy anyway?" Holy shit, do I sound _jealous!_ Ryan hears it too. His cheeks tint pink.

"It was just the way he was when he didn't think anyone could hear… singing, humming. He seemed different than all the other stupid guys. And now… I think he's just the same, only hiding it more and more. And I guess… I kind of want to save him, you know? Remind him that that person is in him somewhere. I don't want that part of him to die." Ryan's eyes are full of passion; I've never seen someone care this much about something, much less someone. He looks so… beautiful. There is no other word to describe him. And the freaky part is, it looks like, as corny as it sounds, his soul is as beautiful as he is.

"I've been thinking lately, too…" the words are flowing out of me… those eyes are so trusting and I think I could tell Ryan anything. "I broke up with Gabby this morning… I just don't love her anymore. I really don't. And… I don't know how I feel about anyone right now." I can't go on… I don't want to tell Ryan this. What if I don't really love him? What if I'm not really gay?

**+ Ryan's POV +**

Troy looks so sad, so confused… and I don't think he even notices it, but his hand has found its way into mine, and he's now cradling my hand in his lap gently. Could he possibly be talking about what I think… what I _pray _he's talking about? I can't take the risk.

"Troy, don't worry about that. Tons of people would kill to have you."

"Yeah, but I don't think it's for the right reasons. At least Gabby liked me before she knew about me… it's not her fault I don't love her anymore."

"Troy, whoever you fall in love with will be… so blessed. You have no idea, Troy; because the people who get to know you without the labels and the world's ideas of you see something else… you're not just the captain of the basketball team, Troy. You're so much more, and I promise, people will see that." He looks at me, his eyes shining with appreciation. "You're amazing, Troy… you really are." And that is as close to a love confession as I will ever get. Troy is moving closer, though… I can feel his breath on my face, and I swallow heavily. He closes his eyes and his face moves closer to mine.

His cell phone rings shrilly, and we both jump apart, blushing furiously. He stands quickly and answers it.

I know there is no other possibility in the world, but my brain just cannot process the fact that Troy just almost kissed me. My fingers go to my lips, feeling out the place that he almost touched…


	4. Caught up in the moment

A/N: Kinda forgot about the note last time…I'm glad everyone likes this story! And thanks A ZILLION for all the reviews… that's the only reason I'm updating, really… positive feedback does wonders!

Oh, and Disney-Kid… good to hear what you think… you'll just have to wait and see if you're right, now won't you? (yes, I'm cruel…)

I don't own anything… dang.

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**+ Ryan's POV +**

Oh, Troy… I won't be able to take this if he's just messing with my head. He keeps glancing at me from the hallway… I just stare at the floor, trying not to eavesdrop. It's kind of hard, though… his voice is strained, and I can only assume that it's Gabriella. Troy's definitely annoyed that she called… and I'm just a bit more than annoyed. What would have happened if Gabriella hadn't called right when she did? Would Troy have kissed me? What was going on there? Troy can't possibly be gay… can he? My heart and mind are racing so fast. The facts; I am in love with Troy, who just tried to kiss me but isn't gay as far as I know. How confused can I possibly get? He's not talking in the hallway anymore… so what is he doing? Is he ever going to face me again? And what am I going to say to him when I see him again? It's kinda inevitable at this point… after all, I'm sitting in his living room. Before I can even begin to think of what to say, Troy comes around the corner, grinning and tucking away his phone apologetically.

"Sorry… Gabby."

"I know."

He sits down next to me again, his knees leaning towards mine. His hand rests on his knee.

"Ryan? Are you okay?" He reaches for my knee, and I catch my breath. He can't be messing with my head, he just can't be… all of a sudden, my leg starts throbbing again. I grab for it, a gasp escaping my throat. Troy's face is immediately full of concern. "Ryan, what do you want me to do? Ryan?" His voice is tense again, and as much as I'm in pain right now, I can't help but think how sweet that is.

"Sorry! I'm fine… really…" _oh god, please make it stop…_ thankfully, the throbbing eases away and I sit up straight, smiling at Troy. "See? Really, don't worry about me." Troy's eyes are filled with doubt, and I wish I could wipe it all away. He doesn't need to add me to his list of things to worry about.

"Are you sure? Because you don't seem-"

"What just happened, Troy?" The question escapes quickly, like a flood. He stares, obviously not getting what I just asked for a second. Then his face turns bright crimson, and he looks away from my gaze. "Please don't give me an excuse, Troy… just tell me what you feel… please?" He looks up at me, thinking.

"I've always been a guy that gets caught up in the moment… in basketball, that's a good thing, because I can do what feels right without really thinking, and everything else disappears… I guess that's what happened… that's the best I can think of, anyway."

"Because you're not gay, are you Troy?" I say it more as a statement, and I do it that way on purpose… but no matter how I say it, the question still lingers in the air, hanging between us.

"Before I answer that, tell me this, Ryan… who is it that you love?" How can he be grinning at a time like this? Even I can tell that it's not a very sincere smile… it's nervous, anxious. I can't lie to Troy anymore. I know this is ridiculous… we've only spent less than 24 hours together… but I really want to tell him.

**+ Troy's POV +**

I can't answer Ryan's question… because honestly, I don't know. Everything is telling me yes, but this isn't something I should shout out all over the school before I'm positive about it. I can tell by the look in Ryan's eyes that he's about to tell me who he loves. But all of a sudden, something occurs to me.

Didn't I used to sing when I was in sixth grade? And didn't Ryan sit right next to me? Could that look in his eyes be for _me?_ This didn't really cross my mind before… but what will I do if Ryan says it's me? Will I accidentally spill that I feel the same? I can't risk it…

"Never mind, Ryan. Please don't tell me." He looked quizzically at me. "It's getting kind of late." My heart aches as I point this out… how did it possibly get to be 5:00? My dad would be home in half an hour, and by then I had to be showered down and already practicing in the back yard. "Do you want me to walk you home?" Ryan shakes his head, his eyes hurt. Wait, _hurt?_ He couldn't have wanted to tell me who he loved… I mean, I've been pressuring him about it for a while. I can't do this right now, anyway… I need to get my head around the situation before I do anything at all… because I can't take it back if I find out that I really do love Ryan. You can't take something like that back ever. Ryan stands slowly, and then turns to look at me again.

"Thanks for the water… and everything." I could so easily invite him to stay longer… but I just can't. What would my dad do if he came home and found me with Ryan?

"I'll see you tomorrow, Ryan. You want to walk to school together?" Wow, I sound desperate. Should I walk you home? Should we walk to school together? Should we move in together? I'm really pathetic…

"Sure." He smiles a little bit at me. I stand up and follow him to the door. He steps out onto my porch, taking the stairs two at a time and waving over his shoulder to me. I feel my heart sink in my chest as he walks away. Now, I can finally think about what I've done today… I need to sort out these emotions running around inside me and try to make some sense of them.

Let's see, what did I do in the last 24 hours? Oh yeah… stopped Ryan from killing himself, slept in the park with him, held hands with him, skipped school with him, had him over, tried to kiss him…

There is no getting around it now. Then last 24 hours of my life have been completely dedicated to Ryan, and I've loved every second. I want to tell someone… but who would get it? Who would really understand? I have no one… except for Ryan. What would he say if I told him? And would I be able to take it if I'm not the guy he loves?

I'm exhausted from shooting all those baskets… and now, as I lay in bed, here is what's really hitting me; if I'm the guy Ryan loves, he has hurt himself for me, he has loved me 5 years in silence, and possibly even tried to kill himself because I was such a jerk to him. I want to make it all up to him… if I'm the guy, I'd do anything to make it up to him.

**+ Ryan's POV +**

I'm actually up before the sun today. I want to look… normal for Troy, I guess. No one is going to accept me anyway, not in one day… so just one day in a regular tee shirt won't change my life, and it might make it a bit more bearable for Troy if he wants to hang out with me during school. Assuming, of course, that yesterday wasn't a one-time thing. If it was… I don't know how I'll be able to take it.

When I get to Troy's, the driveway is empty; his dad must have already left for school. I ring the doorbell, and he opens it after a few seconds, his breath minty and a huge smile on his face.

"You ready?" I nod, smiling back. Troy reaches inside and grabs his backpack and a few books. "You look good!" I blush at the praise, and turn to thank Troy. He's already headed down the stairs, though, and he collides into me. Waving my arms frantically, I try to stop myself from falling, but land flat on my back in the grass. Troy falls on top of me, moaning in pain. I can't breathe; his lips are so close to mine again. As important as the situation seems to me, I can't help but think… _if he kissed me now, it would be so cliché… _

"Troy?" He just stares for a second… his eyes are so intense. Then, slowly he gets up. I feel disappointed. He offers me a hand to help me up, and I take it. He pulls me up, and I wobble to my feet, smiling at him. But Troy doesn't let go of my hand. He keeps staring at me for a moment, and then pulls me toward him quickly. I don't have time to react at all in the time it takes for our lips to meet each other's. I'm almost afraid to kiss him back in case it was a mistake, but when Troy parts my lips with his and slips his tongue into my mouth, there's no mistaking it for anything else. I eagerly kiss him back, my mind and heart exploding with happiness, joy… everything. His hands roam my back, mine tangled in his gorgeous hair. This is the happiness I've been missing out on since sixth grade… Troy Bolton held the key to my life in his hands, and with this one kiss he's unlocked thousands of doors. All of a sudden, Troy steps back, his eyes wide.

"Ryan… please tell me I'm the guy you love." His voice is deep, pleading, desperate. I smile.

"Of course you are, Troy. You are." He laughs a little, and then laughs even louder. I laugh back at him… I don't feel like myself... I don't feel like part of this earth. Troy comes towards me again, and this time I pull away before he can kiss me again… as much as I'd like to spend the rest of the day exploring him right here, people will seriously suspicious if we both turn up late again at the same time. Troy may feel the same way about me… he may want to try a relationship. But I would never force him to tell anyone unless he wanted to. I kiss him softly on the lips, and then calmly, as if nothing had happened, we walk off down the street together.

* * *

Well, I know all of you wanted them to kiss! And believe me, I did too! So there ya go… just keep in mind that you're reading the work of a kissing-virgin here, so sorry if it's not realistic… I try! Hope y'all enjoyed! And I don't really think before I post... I just type and immediately post, no brooding on it or anything, so anything may be a result of that... so if that bothers anyone, sorry! It's just how I operate! Thanks again! 


	5. Everything's better

A/N: I am REALLY getting writers block here! Wah… hopefully I'll get back into the swing of things soon!

Thanks so much to **Mondler4EvEr** for the inspiration to go on!

* * *

**+ Troy's POV +**

Thankfully, the walk to the school is quiet, so I can think a little bit. I've broken up with Gabriella to be with Ryan, there's no doubt about that now. I was so restless last night I didn't even think what I'm going to say to Gabby when I see her today. I can't believe we have to go to school on a Saturday, but with the year coming to an end, the drama club wanted one more meeting to talk about the upcoming plays and everything for our next year. The cherry on top of my insanely confusing life is this;

I love Ryan Evans.

I _love_ Ryan Evans.

I love **Ryan Evans.**

And he loves me, and I still can't quite wrap my brain around that… I mean, Ryan has never been someone I've looked twice at. But now, I can't imagine being without him… feeling his hand in mine, like it is now. I look over at him again, and he smiles gently at me. God, was it really less than an hour ago that he told me he loved me? How much more complicated could life get?

As we climb the steps to the school, my mind is still blank about how my conversation with Gabriella should go. Should I tell her I'm gay? That I love Ryan? Or what the whole school will suspect by Monday, that I fell for another girl? I don't want to pressure Ryan with stupid stuff like this; it was my mistake to start dating her in the first place. Besides, I've put so much pressure on Ryan for the last few years. I don't like to think about that thin scar on his wrist that was for me. I can't believe I did that to him. But now, in this moment… I think we're both okay. Before we enter the drama room, I kiss him softly once more and walk through the door.

**+ Ryan's POV +**

I didn't expect Troy to treat me the same once we got around everyone else, but I still feel really… lonely. Kelsi, Sharpay, Gabriella are all chatting in a corner, glancing every once in a while at Troy, like I am, although I'm sure for different reasons. Troy is sitting at his desk, smiling goofily as he stares at the itinerary Mrs. Darbus (who hasn't arrived yet) has written up for the day. Suddenly, Sharpay's hand is clenched tightly around my wrist. She drags me over to an empty corner.

"Ry, tell me right now. What the _hell_ is going on between you and Troy?" I try not to blush.

"What are you talking abou-"

"Don't try that, Ryan. I saw the way he kept staring at you when you weren't looking." I immediately glow inside; and here I was thinking that Troy had forgotten I had existed in this tiny classroom. Sharpay sighs, the steely anger suddenly gone. "Look, I won't tell anyone… but you like him, don't you?" I nod… I know Sharpay better than anyone, and when she gets like this, I know she means every word; my secret will be safe with her. "Does he like you?" He dark eyes are weary, like she's seen too much in just this short day, and I feel awful for my sister. I don't know if she still likes Troy, and it would just kill her if he had chosen me over her.

"I dunno, Shar…" she laughs softly.

"He doesn't want you to tell me, does he?" I don't say anything, staring at the ground. She places her hand gently on my shoulder.

"Wow, Ry. I know he means a lot to you. But don't take any shit, okay? He is Troy Bolton, after all." I laugh and kiss her cheek.

"Thanks Sharpay." She winks at me, and then goes back to the group, staring angrily at Troy. At least, her expression is angry. But I can see the adoration in her eyes. But it's not the same look that's been there before; it's not love. It's appreciation. No one has loved me… _truly_ loved me before. I look over at Troy, who catches my eye and smiles. I smile back, and then flinch as my timer goes off. As everyone reaches for their cell phones to see if they're ringing, I slip out of the classroom, shaky.

When I step back in, everything has changed; Gabriella is yelling angrily at Troy, her eyes burning. Troy is avoiding her eyes. Everyone else is watching on like it's an interesting TV show. Suddenly, Troy looks up and stares straight into my eyes. He looks pained, and I can't take that. I slip back into the hallway, looking frantically around. Thankfully, Mrs. Darbus is climbing the stairs just at that moment. I go back into the classroom, raising my voice above Gabriella's shrill one.

"Mrs. Darbus is coming!" Immediately, her voice stops and she retreats to her seat in the back of the room. Troy beams thankfully at me, his face tight with worry. Mrs. Darbus steps in, obviously missing the tension still hanging thick in the air and going straight into her speech.

* * *

Troy and I walk home together, not touching really… just together. 

"I'm so sorry I couldn't do more about Gabriella, Troy."

"Don't worry about it. It's not your problem," Troy rushes out, as if he doesn't want me to say anymore. But I can't drop it there.

"Of course it is. I don't want to cause problems for you, Troy…" he grins, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Ryan, you are the furthest thing from a problem in my life. But look… I can't avoid her forever." He turns, staring into my eyes and tracing patterns on my palm with his finger. "Why don't we lay low at school for a few weeks, both of us? And then… we'll see. Okay?"

"All right, Troy. Whatever you say."

* * *

**TWO WEEKS LATER**

* * *

**+ Troy's POV +**

Everything seems to be… easier. Ryan and I only have one class together, so it's not hard to pretend that nothing is going on. It could be much worse, because just the way he sits in the lunchroom attracts me. Seriously, he's caught me staring so many times. I just can't help it, really. Ryan Evans… I know, no one would ever guess. Gabriella has even stopped yelling at me as much. I guess fuming across the lunchroom is more her style anyway. I still don't want everyone to know about Ryan and me, though, and I know that makes me weak. I know Ryan would do anything for me, but I just can't do this for him. I doubt that my own father would let me play on the team- or live in the house, for that matter- if he knew I was gay. For now, he just thinks I stay at the library after school to study. And fitting in with that, 'the library' has become a codeword for Ryan's house. It comes so easily… I'll be walking by Ryan with my friends and just say, "I'm going to the library at 5," and then Ryan knows to expect me.

I lean back, looking around the lunchroom with all of its groups. It's weird how our high school works. For a while there, everything was different, when I first started singing. But now, everything is back to normal, except for more people come to school plays. Suddenly, Gabriella is yanking me out of my seat and dragging me across the lunchroom before I can react. I try to pull away without hurting her, but her grip on the back of my shirt is tight. I catch Ryan's eye and he stands, his face full of concern for me. The doors slam behind us and Gabriella pushes me into a wall, her eyes furious. I never knew Gabriella could get like this, but obviously she is not a girl that is used to being broken up with.

"Troy Bolton, you owe me an explanation! You swore to me that you didn't break up with me for another girl, so where have you been going every night?"

"The library, Gabriella."

"Bull, Troy. I hear you every time you tell all your friends you're going, and I've been there every time waiting to talk to you. What the hell is going on?" Her eyes suddenly aren't so furious… they're actually filled with tears. I hesitate, not sure if this is real or if she's just trying to get me to feel sorry for her. "Tell me what I did wrong, Troy. Please." She sniffs, the tears now streaming slowly down her cheeks. Cautiously, I hug her, wiping away her tears.

"Gabriella, you have to understand. It's not your fault at all. I've just… changed. A lot."

"Troy. Come on. You can be honest with me. Just tell me what happened." I hesitate again… Gabriella was a good friend before we dated, but will she want revenge? I sigh, taking a chance.

"I fell in love with someone else." She panics, her eyes growing wide.

"You said it wasn't another girl that you left me for!"

"Exactly," I say softly, waiting for her to get it. She stares quizzically at me.

"That doesn't make any…" she stops. "Oh. But Troy… who?"

"I'm in love with Ryan Evans, Gabby." Her mouth is hanging open, the tears still in her eyes but no longer falling.

"Oh," she says again, and we both stand there, just thinking. Then a huge smile lights up her face. "You should have told me sooner, Troy! Now I feel really stupid!" She laughs, shoving my shoulder gently. "Well, he likes you too, right?" I nod, stunned at her reaction. "Well, good. I'm sorry I pestered you so much. We can still be friends, right?"

"Of course, Gabriella!" She smiles again.

"Good. Well, we should probably go back into the lunch room…"

"Yeah," I manage, leading the way.

Everyone is staring as we walk in together, her smile wide and genuine, mine small and shocked. Quickly, though, they all turn their attention back to their food, chatting quietly. Before Gabriella and I part, I grab her wrist and whisper in her ear.

"Don't tell anyone, Gabby. Please?" She laughs.

"I'm not stupid, Troy. I won't, I promise." She goes over to her table, and I walk towards mine. Ryan stares at me, and I smile at him.

Like I said. Everything is easier.

At least, that's what I believed until almost a month later when Ryan got sick.

* * *

A/N: Sorry it took a while to update... and this was kinda difficult to write, because I really hate Gabriella... but Troy's gonna need a friend. There will probably be two or three more chapters, depending on how long they are... maybe more, who knows. Point is, there's not much more ground to cover! 


	6. Angel

A/N: Bah, sorry, I'm so lazy! I'm sorry if anything in this chapter is inaccurate. If you catch something, please tell me so I can fix it for future readers. I tried to do some research first, but…

Thank you all so much for sticking through this with me, despite how long it takes me to update! School is evil... i'm sooo sorry, and thanks to everyone who pushed me to update! Hope you're not dissapointed.

* * *

**+ Troy's POV +**

It's been almost a week since Gabriella pulled me out of the lunchroom and I told someone for the first time about Ryan and me. Now I'm just sitting in drama, laughing at something Chad is saying even though I'm not really paying attention. I'm really just waiting for Ryan to get here. He said he's been feeling sick for a week now, but it doesn't really seem to be anything serious. It wasn't enough to keep him home yesterday. I just stare at the door out the corner of my eye, waiting for him to come in. But he doesn't. Neither does Sharpay. I'm tempted to call his cell the second the bell rings, but Mrs. Darbus, as usual, is looming over the classroom, and I know if I call him now I'll get my phone taken away, and I won't be able to call him later. I wait, staring at the door. I don't have to call him, though, because before class has ended, Sharpay bursts in the door, her face looking odd without the usual pound of make up. Instead, her eyes and face are red and she's still in her pajamas. Sharpay would never come to school in anything like that, and everyone notices. Darbus even stops talking for a second to stare.

"Troy, I need you, now," she sobs. This earns several laughs from my sick-minded friends, but my heart is close to exploding. I'm dizzy… I stand up slowly so I won't fall over. I follow her into the hallway, feeling like I'm floating. Millions of questions are flying through my head… and none of the answers can get there soon enough. I feel like I'm walking out into the hallway for the last time, like I just won't exist after this moment of ignorance. The door slams shut behind us, and Sharpay and I are left in silence, except for her sniffles. She turns away from me, and I can't help but think of all the times we made fun of her… Ice Queen, Snow Princess, mountain lion. Now as I stare at her quivering back, all I can see is a fallen Queen, broken and hopeless. I step towards her, shaking, and hug her tightly, holding on like she might float away if I let go. She turns around, throwing her arms around my neck and sobbing into my shirt. We both sink to the floor, weak.

"Troy, listen…"

"No wait, Sharpay… let me just pretend everything's okay for one more second… I close my eyes, breathing deeply. Sharpay waits, and then gently starts to speak again.

"Troy, you need to come over. It's Ryan." She pauses, pressing her lips into a thin line. "He's sick."

I never knew that two words could destroy your life. Just send it all down, and nothing you can do can save it. Even if I picked up all the pieces of what my life was 30 seconds ago and pieced them back together, it could never be the same.

As I walk into the house, following Sharpay closely, and I can tell something's awful here. Like nothing good had ever happened in this house. I know that's not true… Ryan and I have spent hours here, just breathing in each other's presence. Sharpay silently goes up the stairs, and I follow her to the door of Ryan's room, where she stops. Slowly, she turns and stares into my eyes.

"Look, Troy… don't say anything about how he looks, okay? He hasn't eaten in a while, and… well… just don't react, okay?" I nod, my heart caught in his throat. Sharpay steps aside, and I gently push on the door, afraid of what I might see.

Ryan's laying on the bed, his eyes closed and his breathing raspy. He has bruises all around his face, and his face is even thinner than normal. I feel tears sliding down my cheeks against my will. He coughs roughly, his hand flying to his mouth. As he stops, his labored breathing becomes even raspier, and with every breath I can feel my heart breaking. Slowly, his eyes open. I watch, frozen, a single tear slips out the corner of his eyes.

"Oh Troy… I didn't want you to see me like-," he cuts off abruptly, coughing wildly. I suddenly snap out of it, trying not to cry so Ryan doesn't get upset.

"Ry, don't talk, okay?" I gently kiss his head, holding his face in my hands. I can feel more tears running down my fingers. "It's gonna be okay, Ryan. I'm not gonna leave you." Ryan shakes his head.

"You can't stay, Troy," he rasps, and I almost break down in front of him. But I can't.

"Ryan, look… obviously you don't get what I've been telling you for the last two months. I love you. I don't know what I'd do without you. I know I can't help you by being here, but I don't want to leave you, do you hear me?" I kiss his hand, squeezing my eyes shut as my forehead rests on his warm skin. "I love you." Ryan nods, sniffing a little bit. I stand, shaky, and sit on the bed next to him. He just looks at me for a second, and in his eyes I see more pain than I've ever seen in one lifetime. I smile weakly, and finally, as he closes his eyes and turns his head, I let my tears glide down my cheeks, trying hard not to sob loudly. I lay on the bed next to him, cradling him in my arms as he falls asleep.

I don't know how many minutes have passed… they could be hours for all I know, maybe just seconds. But soon, Sharpay is knocking on the door. She walks in, stepping softly as she stared at Ryan with tears in her eyes.

"The doctor's downstairs, Troy," she whispers. Slowly, I get up, staring at Ryan the whole time to make sure I'm not waking him. Then I follow Sharpay out, shutting the door softly behind me.

"What's wrong with him, Shar? What's wrong with Ryan?" She shakes her head.

"The doctor says he probably knows. I sent over samples earlier this morning… and he says they have results. Oh God, Troy, I'm scared. What am I going to do if Ryan leaves? He's the only person who really gets me…" I can't answer; I feel exactly the same way.

The doctor is sitting at the table, rubbing his forehead. Sharpay and I clutch hands, squeezing tightly as we sit down. He looks up at us, sighing.

"You're both family?"

"Yes," Sharpay says, sucking in a small breath. The doctor sits forward in his chair, staring solemnly at both of them.

"I'm very sorry… but we believe that your brother has tuberculosis." Sharpay lets out a little shriek, and I hold her close to me, my heart beating loudly in my chest. _That can't be right… this can't be happening to Ryan, not my Ryan…_

"How could this happen?" I demand, trying to be strong.

"Ryan has AIDS, which weakened his system, allowing TB to take over his body." Sharpay starts weeping into my shoulder, her body shaking violently. I feel like doing the same, but I can't… I need to help Ryan any way I can.

"How long will it take to treat it?"

"It generally takes six to nine months. We'll put him on a few prescriptions, and check up on him every once in a while until he's cured."

"So he's going to be okay?" Sharpay whispers, sitting up. "He's not going to die?"

"It's highly unlikely. Very few people die from tuberculosis now that we have the proper medication. Stop by my office tomorrow, and I'll give you what your brother needs. For now, just keep him lying down. Don't let him get excited or talk too much." We both nod, and Sharpay gets up to show the doctor to the door.

I know what the doctor said. I sat there and heard it. But I don't believe him. Somehow… I just don't believe that Ryan will ever get better. I sneak silently back up to his room, staring at him as he sleeps. Ryan coughs softly, grimacing in pain. He turns over and coughs into the sheet, leaving a patch of blood. I clench my fingernails into my palm and collapse against the hallway wall, sobbing silently into my knees. _Oh God, please… I can't lose Ryan… why would you do this to me?_ Sharpay is standing the stairway, and she sits down next to me. We just cry together, praying for Ryan with all our hearts.

* * *

**ONE MONTH LATER**

* * *

School isn't the same. That should be obvious. But I can't tell anyone why I sometimes have to run from class to take a phone call from Sharpay, who promised to update me on Ryan's condition every day during school. Or why I haven't laughed or smiled for a month. No one gets it… no one would if I told them. And Ryan hasn't gotten better. That's what makes my heart ache every second… the fact that Ryan is still stuck in that bed, suffering every minute. He deserves to be out here living life more than I do, and I'd give anything in the world to switch places with him. The bell rings, and like I do every day, I head over to Ryan's house.

Ryan seems to be getting skinner every day. When he stares at me, his eyes are yellow and unfocused. Sometimes it takes him a minute to recognize me, and it's hard to bear. Medicine just hasn't been helping. Ryan is only getting worse. I go to bed every night wondering if I just saw him for the last time and wake up every morning hoping it's not my last day to say goodbye. Sharpay is always telling me to have courage, be strong for Ryan… but I don't think he'll last much longer. He's gone somewhere else; a place where I can't hold him and tell him it's okay. It's all pain and suffering for Ryan… the most alive person I know trapped in a colorless, lifeless world. And if I could do anything, I'd reach out and take away that pain. But I can't. Ryan's parents don't even react much. Ryan once told me that his parents would have had Sharpay have all the glory of being the 'better twin' without actually having a twin if it was up to them. He was unwanted, unloved… even now, when Ryan's life is hanging by a thread, it's hard to tell if they care at all. They just sit there, staring into space, filling the house with smoke as they let untouched cigars dangle from their fingertips. Then they'll leave the house, staring straight ahead, and carry on with life, always coming back to just sit.

I get there after school, and that's how I find them both, as always. I slip quietly by and creep up the stairs. Sharpay nearly collides with me, shrugging on her jacket.

"Where are you going?"

"Doctor's office. They said they had news about Ryan, and I need to get refills for his prescriptions." She swallows. "Please come, Troy. I don't want to be alone." I glance up at Ryan's door, which is shut. Then I turn around and Sharpay and I leave together, taking on the same zombie like state her parents have.

* * *

The drive to the hospital is in total silence. When we arrive, we both step out of the car and find the waiting room, clenching our hands together tightly. It feels like death everywhere. I shiver, trying to block it out. Soon, the nurse comes out and allows us into the back room. We just wait in that cold, white, sterile room with our hearts in our throats. Too soon, the doctor comes in. He takes of his glasses and looks at us sadly.

It's not good news. It's like I thought all along.

He speaks in a soft tone, as if he's trying not to frighten us.

"I'm sorry to inform you of this… but Ryan has drug-resistant tuberculosis. The medication normally would have helped ease his symptoms by now… but from the latest samples… I'm sorry. We just didn't catch it in time. Shall I leave you two alone for a moment?"

I can't breathe. My vision is cloudy, and I turn to look at Sharpay. She has both hands pressed hard over her mouth, her eyes wide as tears stream out of them. I feel tears start to trail down my own cheeks, and I just can't take it. She falls into my chest, sobbing loudly, balling my shirt up in her shaking fist.

"How long?" I manage, my own voice sounding foreign to me.

"About a month."

Sharpay wails again into me, and I just stare into space, tears welling and falling quickly. Every part of my body seems to in agony... I've never felt this before... I feel like throwing myself to the ground and giving up... I can't breathe...

Ryan isn't going to make it. My Ryan… my angel, my reason for living… will be gone in a month.


	7. Happy

Final chapter. I know it's short, and I'm sorry! Thank you all so much for sticking through this with me. I hope you liked it. :)

love always, Emily

* * *

**+ Troy's POV +**

I haven't let go of Ryan's hand for the last two weeks. I haven't gone to school, haven't eaten… just sat, holding his burning hot hand in mine, staring at his face and praying he'll wake up, recognize me one last time. Two weeks… two weeks used to be nothing. Now it's two weeks closer to the day that my life is over.

Ryan coughs, and I sit up, alert. "Shh, it's okay baby, it's okay…" I stroke his forehead over and over, tears slipping from my cheeks. His eyelids flutter, and slowly he opens his eyes, weakly staring around the room. I stay silent, watching him. Finally, his eyes meet mine.

"Who…" my heart cracks as he fails to recognize me again. But then his eyes light up and his mouth falls open. "_Troy?"_ he whispers. I laugh, crying, and bring his hand to my lips.

"Yeah, Ry, it's me, I'm here." His eyes fill with tears, his bottom lip quivering.

"Oh Troy… I thought I'd never see you again… it was dark, I couldn't see, I couldn't see you and I yelled for you and…" he breaks off, sobbing. I lay myself gently across his chest, sobbing with him.

"I'm here, Ryan, I'm not leaving, I'm always here." He looks up at me, eyes still hazy.

"Why?"

"Because I love you, Ryan," I whisper, cupping his cheek in my hand. He smiles a little bit.

"I'm so sorry, Troy…"

"You have nothing to be sorry for. You didn't do anything, Ryan… you're perfect." He starts to laugh, but it turns into a hacking cough that brings tears to my eyes. I bite my lip so hard it bleeds as Ryan shivers, blood dotting the pillow from his coughing attack.

"Troy, I don't get why… we've hardly had time to know each other. I can't live without you…"

"Ryan… all you need to worry about is resting, trying to get better."

"You don't get it, Troy." He smiles, tears falling quicker than I can wipe them away. "I didn't feel alive before you… I almost _killed myself_ before you. You saved me." I shake my head, kissing his hand over and over. "You're perfect, Troy. You're going to live a great life… find someone amazing… and you're gonna be happy." He bites his bottom lip to stop it from shaking, and I feel a pain deep in my chest, like I can't breathe. "I know I'm not going to live, Troy. Will you just… tell me how long I have? Please?" I swallow, trying to find my voice.

"About a week." Ryan squeezes my hand tightly, his eyes shut.

"Will you stay, Troy? I know that's selfish… but I don't want to be alone. I need you." He reaches up, his arm shaking, and places his hand on the back of my head, running his frail fingers through my hair. I place my hand on his, nodding, smiling reassuringly.

"Of course." I kiss his forehead gently, and I can tell he's about to drift back to sleep. But suddenly his eyes fly open and he grabs my hand urgently.

"Troy. I love you. Please promise me you'll be happy." I open my mouth to make the empty promise, but all that comes out is a squeak as more tears flow down my cheeks. "Troy. _Please._ I'll die happy if I know you'll be okay. You're so amazing… you need to share it with someone else. I'll always love you." He tries to push himself up, but his arms can't support him anymore. Sobbing, I lean closer so he can kiss my forehead. He falls back, exhausted. His eyes get kind of dark, quiet. "Tell Shar I love her, okay?" I nod, holding his hand to my face. He smiles up at me, using the last bit of his strength to reach up and wipe away my tears. His eyes slowly close and he whispers into the silence.

"I love you, Troy Bolton."

* * *

Ryan fell asleep that quiet Friday night in my arms. Ryan slept for three more days, his weak breaths drying the tears on my cheeks. I never left his side, waiting to say goodbye. But that day was goodbye. Ryan never woke up. He died in his bed four days later, on a perfect Tuesday, where the sun was so bright and wonderful that it made you thankful to be alive. When we had his funeral, almost everyone from the school showed up. So many people cared about Ryan, and he never knew it. Ryan was an angel to so many of us.

Ryan Evans changed me. I never promised him I'd be happy. But somehow, I am. It's been almost ten years now since Ryan died, and I've never loved another. Some days, though, I still walk down to the bridge where my life began and stare into the water, trying to see what Ryan saw. And I do see it, some nights. I see a place of bliss, a perfect heaven. Sometimes, somehow, I swear I can even see Ryan's face in the water, smiling up at me with all the joy and happiness we shared together. When I see that smile, I always smile back. Ryan isn't really gone. You can't kill an angel. They're always there. Even if you can't see them… I know that Ryan is always there, watching over me. And because of that… because of the love we shared… I'm happy.


End file.
